Just one month ago Yarden Bibas buried his murdered wife Shiri and their two young sons, Ariel and Kfir. After surviving nearly 500 days in Hamas captivity himself, Yarden is still trying to cope with the immense loss.

“How do you even begin to process this?” he wrote Sunday on Instagram, alongside a heartbreaking personal video.

The footage opens with Yarden’s marriage proposal where Shiri’s smile lights up the frame. Then we see them under a chuppah, Yarden breaking glass as Jewish tradition demands, their first dance as husband and wife. Next comes Ariel’s birth and later of baby Kfir, with other clips showing the two redheaded children joyfully playing with their dog at Kibbutz Nir Oz.

Playing over these intimate family moments, a haunting soundtrack carries devastating lyrics: “I had all and then most of you, some and then none of you” and “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you.”

Heartbreakingly it abruptly ends with footage from February 26. His family had finally returned home, not as hostages freed but as bodies brutally murdered by Hamas. Thousands lined highways and bridges that day as the funeral procession passed, a nation mourning alongside a man who must somehow learn to live without the greatest joys in his life.